The Yankees got one-hit today, by a combo of Gaudin and a 50% Rich Harden.  AHAHAHAHAHAHA ISN'T THAT FUNNY?!  LAUGH WITH ME!!!  Christ on a cracker, was this pathetic.  I mean pa-thetic.  I was following the game and literally half-way through, just started laughing.  The utter and complete absurdity of what I was following made me burst into laughter.  This team sucks.  And not just sucks, but royally sucks.  If not for a spastic and hobbling Johnny Damon, we would have been no-hit.  Now that.....that just would have been frickin' hilarious.  I would imagine jamming a hot curling iron up your ass feels better than watching this team play on any given day.  I even called this.  When I posted the pitching match-up for today, I said "this is probably going to suck" and I was right.  I could probably get a hit off Igawa and I've never picked up a baseball bat before.  In fact, I could hold the bat upside-down, bat from the wrong side of the plate and have an eye patch on, and I would get a hit off him.  It would probably go past a diving Jeter, which is par for the course right now anyway.  In the last 10 games, we've scored something like 31 runs.  Average that out and it's......well......s--tty.  But we all knew that.
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A couple posts ago, I showed the math it would take for this team to win 91 games and now that looks like even less of a possibility.  I want to meet the person who still thinks we have a shot.  I want to shake their hand and then smack them in the head with a trout.  Either they aren't watching the same team I am, or they are completely and totally living in the Twilight Zone.  I get a kick out of the morons who email me things like "Yankees suck!" and "You have no chance".  Do you think I don't know this?  Are you even reading what I write half the time?  I mean, I haven't exactly been shy about expressing my belief that this team is a steaming pile of poop.  I don't think it counts as trash-talking if I agree with it.  Be a little more witty about it, at the very least.  I mean, if you're going to waste valuable time sending me an email extolling the virtues of your team while simultaneously telling me mine stinks, the absolute least you can do is make it worth my while to read it.  Throw some Shakespearean references in there, if you have to.  Creativity counts here.
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In any event, for those that care, here's the match-up for tomorrow's game:

Next Game: Sun., July  1 @  1:05 p.m. ET TV: YES | Radio: WCBS, 92.7 WQBU (Sp.)
Haren 9-2, 1.91		@		Pettitte 4-5, 3.24

Well, at least this is a pitcher who doesn't suck ass.  However, will the offense show up?  Probably not.  I expect more of the same.  Goody-goody gum drops.

We won.  Shocking, I know.  I almost forgot the formula for putting one of these posts together.  It's not like this game was any indication of blistering offense or anything, what with us only scoring 2 runs.  2 runs.  Another putrid offensive performance; thankfully Moose only gave up 1 run, so we didn't lose.  Although Farnsworth made it close in the 8th.  I'm sick of this.  Even when we win, it's not enough anymore.  2 runs?!  2 measly **** runs?!  Way to show up, offense.  Way to show up.  After the first inning, we didn't do dick.  Alex went 3-3.  Well, it's A-Rod; I expect nothing less than his best every night.  Everyone else?  Eh.
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Don't have much else to say here.  A win is a win, but I hate these kinds of wins.  No one does anything.  Aside from Moose being efficient (why pull him at 84 pitches? ***** you Torre.), there's not much else to say.  Mo was finally used in the right situation and lo and behold, he was effective.  Funny how that works. 
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Stars of the Game™
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Match-up for Saturday:

Next Game: Sat., June 30 @  1:05 p.m. ET TV: YES | Radio: WCBS, 92.7 WQBU (Sp.)
Gaudin 6-3, 3.14		@		Igawa 2-1, 7.13

This is probably going to suck.

It will be resumed on July 27th.  So they can just lose then instead of tonight.  Goody.  Nothing like prolonging the agony a little while longer. 

I feel like printing this out and mailing it to the front office.  Would you continue patronizing a restaurant that served you crappy food time and time again?  Why do we shell out tons of money to watch this team only to get this garbage in return?  I put out close to $150 a year to follow this team.  That's MLB.TV Premium and this blog.  I know people who pay that much and then tack Extra Innings on top of it.  Why are we paying all this money for a sub-standard product?  I have no doubts that this team will be booed when we get back to New York and I have no doubts that by August or early September, the seats will be half-empty.  The fans have every right to be pissed off at this garish display. 
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This is the 3rd straight series we've lost to a sub-standard team.  I had a feeling we'd lose tonight anyway, since Bedard is a lefty and we can't hit them for s--t.  It was nice to see that Mo recovered from whatever ailed him last night so that he could pitch in this game.  It sure would have been nice to see him out there last night when we could have used him, but I guess I'm not the genius that Joe Torre is, and why he's got the cushy job and I don't.  The offense sucked tonight, Roger sucked tonight.....all around great game.  Just what I like to spend my valuable time watching.   Thankfully I was watching my Eagles DVD as well, or the evening would have been a total wash.
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Anyone who still harbors delusions that this team will be making the playoffs needs to do some math.  In order for this team to win 91 games, which is 10 over .500, we'd have to win 2 out of 3 games in every 3 game series we play and 2 out of 4 games in every 4 game series we play.  Do you think we're doing that?  **** no.  We can't even beat the s--t teams in the NL West.  91 games isn't getting us into the playoffs, even if we manage to do that.  And please don't bring up last year's Cardinals.  I'm aware of their record and what they accomplished.  Means nothing.  Just like 1978 means nothing.  Everything is now meaningless.  I didn't think we'd be out of it by the All-Star break, but **** if these guys aren't trying to speed up their off-season vacation plans.  I'd ask again what needs to happen for this team to shake off the malaise, but it's getting to the point where even if they manage to do that, it'll be too late.  We had a chance.  We won 9 in a row, got to within 7.5 games of the Red Sox and then like usual.....we completely fell to s--t.  If there's anything I hate, it's waste.  And this season has been utter and complete refuse. 

WHERE THE **** WAS MARIANO RIVERA WHILE PROCTOR WAS WALKING THE **** GAME AWAY?  WHERE WAS HE?  TWIDDLING HIS THUMBS IN THE BULLPEN?  WHAT IS HE SAVING MO FOR?  I have had absolutely all I'm going to stomach of this ****.  This is the 2nd straight game Torre has let Mo rot while Proctor lost the game.  And it isn't even just the 2nd time this season where he's done it either.  I'm thinking he's trying to get fired.  The first one was the extra-innings debacle in SF and then this one.  I am beyond sick to death of this "don't put your closer in a tie game on the road" mumbo-jumbo.  You win with your best or you lose with your best.  Mo is the best we've got and if we want to actually, gee I don't know....WIN the game, you put him in.  Not Proctor who is f--king overworked.  To add insult to injury, he has Cano bunt.  BUNT!!!  Giving away outs when we can barely plate runners is smart.  Real smart.  Oh so **** smart.  Is he even awake on the bench?  Is he watching this?  We just lost a game to the Orioles.  THE ORIOLES.  A lefty starts tomorrow, so we're losing that game for sure.  We can't hit lefties to save our asses.  If Boston wins tonight, we're right back where we were when Alex homered off Papelbon in the 9th three weeks ago.  Isn't that a comforting thought.  We've gone nowhere.  A big, fat circle of nowhere.
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On top of that great 9th inning, we couldn't get more than 2 runs off Guthrie.  WHERE'S THIS UBER-SPECIAL-SUPER-DUPER-FANTASTICO OFFENSE?!  Is this what $200 million gets you nowadays?  Force-outs, ground-outs, double plays and strike outs at eye-level.  Torre has a sick fascination with bunting and has the guys do it all the time and at the wrong times, and it's never the right people doing them.  Requiring Cano to do anything that requires fundamentals is a bad idea.  He swings at pitches from his eyes to his laces.  I say we put shock collars on everyone, and each time they do something stupid, we send a few hundred volts of electricity through their asses.  Then he won't force Damon to go on the DL.  Torre said he had to have 4 ribs pushed back into place....oh but he's fine to play.  Don't you fret none.  Abreu is batting 8th, even though Alex said he likes Bobby batting 3rd and with Bobby batting 8th, Alex will get ZERO pitches to hit because he's got no protection. 
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This team.....this season........they're making me hate baseball and I didn't think that would ever happen. 

We just lost 5 of 6 to crappy NL West teams.  The same Rockies who tore through us, just got swept by Toronto.  The Giants had lost 8 straight before we came ambling into town and suddenly they're world beaters.  This team is going nowhere.  Absolutely nowhere.  We are destined to be a .500 team at least and did you see that atrocious **** lineup we put out there?  Holy ****.  I've seen slow-pitch softball teams with more power. 
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There's a couple things about this team that have been bugging me more than usual and that's Cash's refusal to force Damon to go on the DL and his letting players go by that we could use.  First Michael Barrett (hello....back-up catcher who can hit.  Heard of it?) and then Milton Bradley (quality OF, better than we've got).  I don't care what kind of aversion to the DL Damon has, it's obvious he needs to be on it and the longer he's not, the more stupid we all look.  I don't know if it's ego or what have you that's keeping him off, but someone needs to step in and tell him to grow up and sit down for a decent length of time so he can heal.  He's virtually useless to us right now.  No wait....he is completely useless to us right now.  We need bullpen help.  We don't have it.  Roger Clemens pitched an inning of relief today, for the first time since 1984 (regular season).  Roger Clemens.  The guy who's starting the second game of our series with the Orioles coming up next.  He was a better reliever than Nuke LaFarnsworth who, after blowing the game open, cursed Melky Cabrera out like a spineless a-hole.  What the **** is our GM doing all day?  Twiddling his thumbs and watching porn?  As much as Torre deserves blame for failures on the field because he's clinically insane, Cashman needs to be blamed for constructing a team a 3rd grade tee-ball league could beat.  We have no bench, we have no bullpen.  I bet I could strike our guys out, and I can't even throw over 30 mph.  Just let me face Cairo, Wil and Melky. 
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Seriously, where does it end?  Or maybe the better question is when does it end.  Are we going to see the guys playing to a half-empty Yankee Stadium in August?  Wouldn't surprise me.  We have arguably the most bandwagon fans in baseball, so if they have a chance to jump ship, you know they will.  I'll be eagerly awaiting what Sox fans have to say about all this, because you know they're dying to expound.

Derek Jeter has left hip strain
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Fabulous.  I keep telling myself it can't get worse, but you just know it will.  It's been that kind of year.
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Yeah, let's use Proctor ANOTHER inning, when Mo is sitting his ass in the bullpen cooling his heels.  Did anyone get any flashbacks to Weaver in the 12th when Proctor came out AGAIN?  Better yet, let's pull Wang early, which leads to overusing the bullpen, which leads to them blowing the game.  God, I can't wait until he is no longer manager.  I'd take a mannequin wearing a Yankees uniform over this guy right now.  Someone go rouse Stump Merrill from the gin mill he's in.  I was so thrilled when Girardi turned down the O's job.  It's probably going to Mattingly, but at least Girardi is still in play.
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Add to that the fact that Alex tied the game, and then doubled putting the winning run at 3B and we blow it.  If I'm him, I'm giving the whole team the double finger salute.  He's the only reason we still have a shot at the Wild Card anymore.  I'm tired of this.  He's putting up MVP and Triple Crown caliber numbers and is getting shafted because the team is taking it up the pooper.

We beat the Giants, which really shouldn't be that hard.....they just got swept by Boston.  The Kei Igawa Experiment rolled into town, and while he didn't outright suck, he wasn't exactly dominant either.  He kept the game within reach, and only gave up 2 runs.  Not bad,  but not great.  I had a feeling these 3 games were going to be a circus-like atmosphere, what with Bonds* being so close to breaking Aaron's record and wouldn't you know it....our pitching let him get one HR closer.  I hope when he hits 754 and he's rounding 2B, he trips over the base and blows both his knees out.  I have more respect for Manny Ramirez and he's an indolent punk.   Nothing would make me happier than to see that piece of **** IBB'd the rest of the way.   I'm sure that opinion is not popular, but I can't stand him.  Cannot stand him.   
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Moving on to more happier news, our offense seemed to return.  I think it flew ahead to SanFran to wait for us.  Alex went 4-4 with 2 RBI, upping his season total to 75.  And it's June 23rd.  Holy mackerel.  He also scored a run for us.  In A-Rod related news, he said he will not be participating in the Home Run Derby during the All-Star Game festivities next month.  Good.  It'll mess up his swing.  Derek went 2-4 with an RBI, including a stand-up triple.  Melky went 2-5 with 2 RBI, and he too hit a triple tonight.  It was nice to see the guys finally getting some good hits.  Godzilla also made an outstanding catch to rob a double that surely would have changed the outcome of the game at the time.  So he gets a gold star from me for that.  Great game, and let's keep it going tomorrow! 
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Star of the Game™
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I chose only him, because he went 4-4 and had some outstanding D.  Everyone else mentioned in the offense wrap-up gets an honorable mention.  :-D

Match-up for Saturday:

Next Game: Sat., June 23 @  3:55 p.m. ET TV: FOX | Radio: WCBS, 92.7 WQBU (Sp.)
Wang 7-4, 3.33		@		Morris 7-4, 3.21

Whatever.  That 9 game winning streak?  FLUKE.  This is the real Yankees team.  Ain't it pretty?  Everyone getting their underwear knotted about how we were 7.5 games back and closing in on the Red Sox should be enjoying this now.

Match-up for Friday:

Next Game: Fri., June 22 @ 10:15 p.m. ET TV: YES | Radio: WCBS, 92.7 WQBU (Sp.)
Igawa 2-1, 7.63		@		Cain 2-7, 3.15

Igawa as the stopper?  AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Now THAT'S more like it.  Yankees win again, we take the series and go into Coors Field on a high note.  Gotta love it.  It kinda sucks that if the offense showed up on Friday, we'd be going on 12 in a row and all that jazz, but Rocket got our Houston-esque offense that day.  I'll take 2 in a row and our 5th straight series.  Hopefully the Rockies and the Giants (who just got swept, BTW) will summarily bend over for their punishment when we come to town. 
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Wang was Wang.  10 Ks, lots o' fun.  I love when he pitches.  He was so ridiculously dominant tonight, you knew the Mets had no shot in **** of winning this game.  It was a joy to watch him pitch tonight.  It bites that he didn't get the CG, especially after he got that DP in the 9th, but he was over 110 pitches at that point and risking damage to his arm just made no sense.  Torre should have pulled him sooner....apparently he left his quick hook in his other uniform pants.  Myers got the last out, Yankees win.  :-)
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Alex Rodriguez hit another HR today (big freakin' shock, I know) and upped his season totals to 27 HRs and 73 RBI.  He also had a double in the game as well.  He also upped his season average to .315.  He's got 9 more to go until the big 500.  At this rate, he might get it in San Francisco, although I think we come home for a series after that, so maybe he'll end up getting it then.  That would be nice.  I'd love for him to get it at home.
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Speaking of HRs, Johnny Damon had one and so did Jorge Posada.  Every Yankee starter, including Miggy and Melky, got a hit.  HUZZAH!  However Alex and Johnny were the only two to have more than one hit, both getting 2.  So in the interest of my readers, we'll have 2 Stars tonight.  Mr. Taiwanese Lightning and Mr. High Socks.
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Stars of the Game™
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I really love those socks.  Like really.

Match-up for Tuesday:

Next Game: Tue., June 19 @  9:05 p.m. ET TV: MY9 | Radio: WCBS, 92.7 WQBU (Sp.)
Mussina 3-3, 5.17		@		Fogg 2-5, 4.95

Will three be awesome-y?  (yeah it ******, but I couldn't think anything to rhyme with three that worked in that sentence)

This game royally ******.  Clippard ******, our ability to throw out base stealers ******, the weather ****** and Mo made it an adventure.  Fortunately despite all that, we managed to win the one game of the series I thought we'd lose.  Thank God we had a rested pen available for today, because we ended up needing it.  I'm sure Clippard is a nice kid, but he's just not major league ready right now.  This game was just ugly.  Butt-freakin-ugly.  Since the pitching was nothing to write home about, we'll move on to the offense.
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Alex Rodriguez is now 10 HRs away from 500.  Impressive feat considering he's 31 and only been playing in full seasons since 1996.  I hope he gets there by the All-Star break, and sticking his bat in the thin air of Coors Field, might allow that to happen.  There was a lot of players hitting during this game, it just seemed for a while that they were all landing in someone's glove.  Derek had a HR in this game and went 4-5, Alex went 2-4, Godzilla went 2-5, Robbie went 2-4, Miggy went 2-5 and Johnny went 1-4.  The only person in the lineup who didn't have a hit was Melky.  He'll have a shot tomorrow.  I hope.  I like when we score 11 runs, but only when the opposition has less than 3.  Just a word to the wise.  BTW, where was this offense last night?  We could be sitting at 11 in a row right now if you hadn't dicked Rocket over. 
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Stars of the Game™
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Match-up for Sunday:

Next Game: Sun., June 17 @  8:05 p.m. ET TV: ESPN | Radio: WCBS, 92.7 WQBU (Sp.)
Hernandez 3-2, 2.38		@		Wang 6-4, 3.49

Come on Wang.....let's take the series and go for 2 in a row. 

What a pathetic, putrid performance.  Rocket pitched **** good ( 6.1 IP, 2 R, 7H, 8Ks) and got bupkiss for the efforts.  Just like in Houston.  He and Andy can trade notes on that.  This s--t better not continue past tonight because I was rather enjoying writing positive and happy game posts.  Happy Birthday, Andy.  :-(

Match-up for Saturday:

Next Game: Sat., June 16 @  1:05 p.m. ET TV: YES | Radio: WCBS, 92.7 WQBU (Sp.)
Glavine 5-4, 4.15		@		Clippard 3-1, 5.32

A new winning streak starts tomorrow.  Make.  It.  Happen.

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Now, Roger's ERA against the Mets isn't sparkling, but his last 3 starts against the Mets have been amazing:
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2003: 8 IP 6 hits 1 walk 1ER 7Ks
2004: 7IP 2 hits 1 walk 0ER 10Ks
2005: 7IP 2 hits 1 walk 0ER 9Ks
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I'll take that one.  It's also Andy Pettitte's 35th birthday today (Happy B-Day, Andy!), and I think it would be a great present for not only him but for all Yankees fans, if Rocket kicked some Met ass.  Sorry, Lee-Ellen.  :-(

Thanks, Colorado!  That was awe-inspiring.  Just don't do that against us.  Please. 
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Well.........the Yankees have claimed yet another victim on the road to redemption.  The Diamondbacks are just another notch on this team's collective belt.  Watching the team these last 9 games has been a real joy, one I hope to continue for a couple more games to come.  Sweeping the Mets may not be easy, but at the very least I believe we can take the series. 
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Andy Pettitte is a rock star.  Absolute rock star.  8 innings of 1 run ball?  Sign me up.  More quality pitching.  His final line ended up as 8.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 BB, 4 Ks.  Scott Proctor relieved him and threw a great 9th, with 2 Ks.  I just can't say enough about the quality of pitching we've been getting.  Andy was just sublime this afternoon.  He's finally getting enough run support and the defense behind him isn't giving away outs.  The more I see him pitch, the more I'm **** thankful he's here.
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Alex Rodriguez is a mythical beast who children should read about in ghost stories.  He went 3-4 today, with 2 more RBIs and a walk.  If he's not hitting HRs, he's getting timely hits to advance and score runners.  PAY HIM CASH....PAY HIM NOW.  The other big offensive guy today was Hideki Matsui, who also went 3-4 and had 4 RBIs.  Both Alex and Hideki doubled as well in this game. Rounding all that out, Derek Jeter went 2-3.  Another short recap.....although I'm not getting tired of having to say it.  Quality pitching + situational hitting = Yankees win. 
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Stars of the Game™
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Other Stars™ go out to A-Rod and Godzilla, but they got pictures last night.....so I'm letting Andy stand by himself today.  :-D

Match-up for Friday:

Next Game: Fri., June 15 @  7:05 p.m. ET TV: MY9 | Radio: WCBS, 92.7 WQBU (Sp.)
Perez 6-5, 3.21		@		Clemens 1-0, 4.50

I don't have anything witty to rhyme with the number 10, so let's just say......WIN. 

I know the title is kinda cheesy, but it was either that or "Dinner at Eight".  I think this is more clever, because it'll make you think about what the real title of that is supposed to be.  Well.  We're over .500, we've won our 4th straight series and have won 8 games in a row.  We've also gained a game on the Red Sox, and now are only 8.5 back in the AL East.  With Andy pitching tomorrow night, the chances for a sweep are pretty good.  Our evil plan for world domination is coming together nicely...........
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Moose pitched amazing tonight.  Better than last week and better than the week before that.  If he's turned a corner, then we have 4 pitchers capable of a quality start and then some each time out.  You can't ask for more than that.  His final line ended up being 7.2 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 7 SO and 0 BB.  WOOT.   Bruney had a little drama in the 9th, but between him in Myers, they managed to hold the D'Backs to 2 runs and secure our victory.   I didn't think Moose should have been pulled, but I'm not Torre.  If I was, our bullpen might be safer, but that's for another post.
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The offense was back again tonight, with all our runs save one, coming on HRs.  Jorge had one, Alex had one (what else is new) and is now 11 from #500 and Godzilla had one to cement our win.  We left the bases loaded once and quite a few LOB, but with 7 runs, I'm not getting on them too much for that.  If we ended up winning this game by 1 run or ended up blowing it, that's another story.  This is another short recap, since this was pretty cut and dry.  Quality start, situational hitting, Yankees victory.  Good formula. 
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Stars of the Game™
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Match-up for Thursday:

Next Game: Thu., June 14 @  1:05 p.m. ET TV: YES | Radio: WCBS, 92.7 WQBU (Sp.)
Davis 4-7, 3.48		@		Pettitte 3-4, 3.11

Will nine be fine?

7 wins in a row and we won a duel between two premier sinkerballers.  Oh, and we're at .500.  Hallelujah, praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.  Looks like this team has finally found its pace.  Just in the nick of time.  I had a feeling tonight's game was going to be a low-scoring affair, seeing as both pitchers are known for inducing groundball outs more than anything else.  The Yankees offense was a little sluggish tonight, but Brandon Webb is a **** good pitcher, so I think it had more to do with that than anything else.  They also ran themselves out a couple potential big innings, so we could have scored more runs than we did if not for some shoddy baserunning moves.  Wang pitched great tonight, not completely dominant, but 7 innings of 1 run ball is more than adequate.  Farnsworth was.....well, Farnsworth and to close out the game we got vintage Mo.  He was hitting 96 on the gun tonight....just filth.  It'll be a sad, sad day when he retires.  I think I'll stop thinking about it now.
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As I mentioned above, the offense was a little sluggish tonight, and aside from Bobby Abreu's 1st inning HR, nothing big happened.  I've really been impressed with the way Bobby has been playing during this streak.  He's been taking walks, getting some good hits and with him hitting in front of Alex, that is sorely needed.  So kudoes to him for that.  Not much else was going on during this game....most games between sinkerballers are rather light on the substance.  Let's hope they can keep this up for the next two games. 
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Stars of the Game™
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And for their defensive contributions:
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And last, but certainly not least; Mo for the vintage perfect 9th.  :-D

Match-up for Wednesday:

Next Game: Wed., June 13 @  7:05 p.m. ET TV: YES, ESPN | Radio: WCBS, 92.7 WQBU (Sp.)
Hernandez 5-3, 3.66		@		Mussina 2-3, 5.63

Will eight be great?

Justin Verlander just pitched a no-hitter for the Tigers at home against the Brewers.  It's the first no-hitter pitched by a Tiger at home since 1952, I believe.  In 9 innings, he struck out 12 batters.  Way to go, Justin!!!

Ah, nothing quite like a maniacal-looking Steinbrenner to drive the point home.  SWEEEEEEEEP.  What a fantastic game this was.  Just wonderful.  For the offense, that is.  Clippard was not good today at all and if not for A-Rod and Bobby....we might have lost this game as the Pirates made a game of it in the early innings.  Just the early innings, though.  The Pirates summarily took their beating like a good baseball team in due time.  I wish we could play these guys 19 times a year.  Other than Tyler Clippard, I can't complain about our pitching today.  The offense made it a blowout, so they had a bit of room to groove, if you know what I mean.  Clipp is going to have a few bad games now and then, and luckily our offense kicked in to pick him up.  Earlier this season we wouldn't have won the game.  Ah, who am I kidding.  The A-Rod of April is back, we probably would have won it in a walk-off. 
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Speaking of Alex.....what a f--king beast.  Just......holy ****.  But he sucks and we should trade him for Joe Crede.  Remember that.  And Bobby Abreu?  INSANE.  The both of them today were a two-man wrecking crew.  They were making the Pirates pitching look like the kids from the Bad News Bears.  I've said it once, I'll say it again.  When this team is "on", they are an absolute joy to watch.  Even Wil Nieves had an RBI today.  That's how well things were going.  This is one of those game posts where everything is cut and dry.  Our starting pitching stunk, our relief pitching worked, our offense showed up.  Next on the menu....Arizona.  I've heard snake tastes like chicken. 
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Stars of the Game™
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Match-up for Tuesday:

Next Game: Tue., June 12 @  7:05 p.m. ET TV: MY9 | Radio: WCBS, 92.7 WQBU (Sp.)
Webb 6-3, 3.13		@		Wang 5-4, 3.73

Will seven be heaven? 

4-4.  3RBIs.  Him and Alex together are making Manny/Ortiz look like Little League.  But he sucks and we should trade him for Jermaine Dye.

2 HRs.  5 RBI.  12 away from 500.  But he's bush-league and he sucks and we should trade him for Joe Crede. 

Thanks for nothing, Arizona.  I know it's the NL West and we should expect little, but blowing a 3-run lead when Julian Tavarez is pitching?!  Geez.  That being said, I'm going to be Randy Johnson's biggest fan today (it's Sunday over yonder). 
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I just hope Randy's doppleganger (I know someone who will appreciate the usage of this word) Randolph Johnstone isn't taking the mound.  He's got the mullet back, so maybe with the hair comes dominance.  Be Seattle-era RJ.....you can do it.  You'll have the whole of the Evil Empire rooting you on.

6.0 IP, 3 R, 5 H, 2 BB, 7 SO.  I'll take that every time and then some.  I was already pissy that I couldn't watch this game since FUX seems to think that living in Atlanta, I'd rather watch the Braves game, even though I don't like the Braves.  Great convoluted way of thinking.  Fortunately, Rocket and the Yankees gave me a reason to not be pissy for the rest of the day.  Before the game even started, I was hearing a lot about what people's expectations for this first start would be and not all of them were very complimentary.  This is Roger Clemens and whether you agree with the contract or not, he gives us a lot.  I mean, how freakin' awesome was it to see him out there on the mound again?  That just totally made my day.  It's like, a belated birthday present.  What was even better though, was the fact that Vizcaino and Farnswoth both pitched in this game AND THEY DIDN'T BLOW THE LEAD.  Shocking.  So a nice big round of applause for the pitching today. 
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Yet again, offense showed up.  I'm liking this new look Yankees team.  Situational hitting!  It exists!  And it works.  It was nice to see the Yankees continuing to work walks, make pitchers work, and get timely hits.  Even sacrifice flys!  I know, I know.  Our Team LOB this afternoon was 11.  Not horrendous, but not sparkling either.  Better than the last couple of games, so we've got that going.  Robbie was the big offensive guy today, going 3-5 with an RBI.  Other offensive stars were Johnny Damon and Bobby Abreu.  This was just an all-around great game.  It was our 3rd straight series victory and tomorrow we go for the broom.  Go Yankees!!
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Stars of the Game™
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****.  YES.
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Now, they didn't have pictures of Robbie or Bobby, so I chose this picture to represent the Yankees offense as a whole.  Work with me here.  If some new pictures come up (right now it's all Rocket, but that's to be expected), I'll add them to this post.  :-D

Match-up for Sunday:

Next Game: Sun., June 10 @  1:05 p.m. ET TV: YES | Radio: WCBS, 92.7 WQBU (Sp.)
Chacon 2-0, 3.26		@		Clippard 3-1, 3.60

Awww, Shawn.  I remember what he did for us back in 2005 during that dismal and bleak season.  Him and Aaron Small were like, the big wild cards on that pitching staff.  Fortunately he doesn't pitch for us anymore, so my hoping he loses badly doesn't make me feel so bad.  SWEEEP.

I didn't feel like making this an addendum to my game post, so I thought for the sake of making fun of Carl Pavano, it gets its own post.  As taken from Rocket Ready for Lift-off :
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"Roger Clemens' anticipated arrival was acknowledged in the asphalt ofthe players' parking lot on Friday, where workers had dutifully painted over Carl Pavano's No. 45 and replaced it with the Rocket's No. 22."
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HAHAHAHAHAHA.  What a way to say, "Son, you are no longer relevant to this team in any meaningful way.  Now get the #$%@ out." 

Okay, so it was an infield squibbler, but it still counts.  Yankees win their fourth in a row, which is a sure sign that the apocalypse is coming.  Andy Pettitte didn't pitch poorly tonight and two of the runs he gave up were on a horrifically horrible fielding error by Melky which led to an inside the park HR.  So I'm not crawling down Andy's throat tonight.  The Yankees were giving him their typical offensive effort when he pitches, so I'm not surprised that it came down to heroics in extra-innings just to get a win.  I was actually worried they'd lose, since they didn't jack squat going until the 6th inning.  As for Andy's line, he gave us 8 innings, 5K, 9 H.....2 HRs, but that inside the park piece of **** shouldn't count against his ERA.  Melky screwed up out there, not Andy.  Mo pitched 2 innings of relief and thankfully no pitcher who might blow the game actually saw action.  Is Torre learning?  Probably not, but don't look a gift horse in the mouth. 
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As I mentioned above, the offense was dismal.  We should have done more against Tom "Walter Johnson" Gorzelanny, but we didn't.  Jorge, Cairo, Derek, Johnny and Godzilla were the offense tonight, although it came so sporadically and they wasted a lot of chances.  I think we left the bases loaded twice.  Our Team LOB was 14.  That's pitiful.  We should be thankful the Pirates are as bad as they are or else we might have lost the game.  I'd like to see the offense come back big time tomorrow.....for no particular reason of course. 
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Stars of the Game™
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Another Star goes out to Mo for his relief appearance.  The ERA is down to 4.13.....it's normalizing and going down like it should.  Perfect.

Match-up for Saturday:

Next Game: Sat., June  9 @  1:05 p.m. ET TV: YES | Radio: WCBS, 92.7 WQBU (Sp.)
Maholm 2-8, 5.35		@		Clemens 0-0, -.--

Oh yes.  Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.  Of course, I won't be able to see this because of the MOTHERF--KING STUPID BLACKOUT RULES THAT FUX AND BUD SELIG HAVE SAVAGELY FORCED UPON THE MASSES.  Because of these nimrods, I can't watch the game.  Yeah he's going to pitch more than once this season, but it's his first start and it's at home.  I wanted to see this.  But I can't.  Because Selig is a money-grubbing assclown.
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Not that I'm bitter about that or anything. 

After the Sox won earlier, I was hoping the Yankees could pull out a victory to salvage the scenario I had wanted for this, my big day.  At least Fatty McPorkRind's no-no got dashed.  In any event, I spent the better part of today out shopping, although I eventually just settled on a book about JFK and lunch at Joe's Crab Shack.  I thank the Yankees for giving me a reason to watch the game over on MLB.TV later.  On to the game.........I feel bad for Moose.  I think he was pulled unjustly (what else is new?) and with only 79 pitches, I don't think there was any reason to go to the pen.  I think Torre had an itchy trigger finger since he let Wang go all 9 innings last night.  Who knows what Moose would have done if left in, but this was just another example of Torre yanking starters before they need to be pulled from the game.  Fortunately Mo saved everyone's sorry asses and aside from Moose, gave us quality pitching tonight.  Ain't this something; we win our second straight series, we have a 3 game winning streak and the offense showed up for all those games.  And we got quality pitching too!  Oh boy if this is the tide starting to turn........
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That said, thanks to Alex, he really didn't have to labor that hard in the 9th.  Talk about insurance runs.  We only really needed one or two to come in.....not all of them.  But I'm not complaining.  The other big offensive moment came in the 8th inning with Bobby's tie-breaking two-run double.  So Alex and Bobby get the gold stars for tonight's game.  We also got 2 RBIs from Robbie Cano tonight, one of which came on a broken-bat triple.  Even Miguel Cairo got a hit tonight along with some decent "D".  I think this series has found him to be quite serviceable over there at 1B.  Also, congrats to Joe for getting his 2,000th win.  If the offense hadn't bailed him out.....yeah, well.  Be thankful it did.
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Stars of the Game™
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Match-up for Friday:

Next Game: Fri., June  8 @  7:05 p.m. ET TV: MY9 | Radio: WCBS, 92.7 WQBU (Sp.)
Gorzelanny 6-3, 2.53		@		Pettitte 3-4, 2.96

Now, it's Friday over where I am......and guess who pitches tomorrow (Saturday)?  Take a guess.  Go on, I dare you. 

A-Rod pwns all of you.  Every last one of you. 

In news that should shock everyone, Torre didn't pull the starter too early tonight.  He didn't even get off the bench, as Wang threw a CG.  In fact, this was the first complete game a Yankee starter has thrown since last summer.  Yes, you read that right.  This was one of those rare games this season where it was kinda boring.  I mean, the Sox got a run but for the most part, I wasn't really worried we might lose the game.  Everything seemed to be clicking tonight; good hitting and great pitching.  I won't prognosticate about whether or not this is the beginning of the end of our winter of discontent but I'm hoping that maybe.....just maybe.....it's starting to get warmer. 
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Wang looked great tonight, going all 9 innings and giving up only 5 hits and 1 run.  He walked 1 and struck out 4.  A short pitching summary, but when you have only one pitcher going and he pitched superb.....there's not much to analyze.
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Alex ended up giving us the only runs we really needed to win the game, with his 2-RBI single (that should have been a double, but he got hosed on the call) in the 3rd inning.  We also got RBIs from Godzilla, Bobby Abreu (in the form of a HR) and Johnny Damon.  Miguel Cairo, our 1B megasuperduperstar, went 2-4 and had some nice plays at the bag.  I think he's hitting better than both Phelps and Alphabits.  That's either really funny or really sad.  I haven't decided which yet.  One thing about this game I was not impressed with was the bad base running.  Aside from two calls I think we got hosed on (Alex and the first Jorge miscue), there was just some awful running out there.  Pay attention.  If not for how well Wang was pitching tonight, that COULD have changed the tone of the game.  I guess when you're rolling like he was, you're allowed a mistake or two.  Just don't make a habit of it.  One more quick note: big round of applause for Melky and that gunning down at home plate he delivered.  To those who wanted Bernie over Melky.....you think he's throwing someone out at home?  No.
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Stars of the Game™
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Match-up for MAH BIRFDAY!

Next Game: Thu., June  7 @  8:11 p.m. ET TV: YES | Radio: WCBS, 92.7 WQBU (Sp.)
Mussina 2-3, 6.25		@		Contreras 4-5, 4.29

Another former Yankee.  You know Mike, a great birthday present would be you doing what Wang did tonight. 

The Yankees scored more than 3 runs tonight!  Hooray for run support!  A little over the top, but what do you expect?  Whenever this team manages to score more than 3 runs in any one inning and not blow the lead, it's a big **** deal.  We've done it so infrequently this season.  This game had me a touch worried, seeing as Cairo was getting the start at 1B over Phelps.  I guess grounding into all those DPs gets you benched for a game.  Everyone else on the team should take it as a warning or something.  However, Cairo was surprisingly quite good over there and even contributed with his bat, as well.  So that was one experiment that didn't fail.  Clippard had a pretty decent game, although once again I think Torre pulled him too soon.  He was only at 89 pitches and could have gone at least 6 innings.  Maybe 7 if he was economical.  Another pitching issue I had was Torre using Bruney instead of Henn in the 9th inning.  Bruney should  be used in more high-leverage situations, not garbage time.  And he didn't perform that well, which makes me think that Torre will be less apt to use him when he should.  Farnsworth was typical.  I'd elaborate, but you know what typical means by now.  Mo relieved Bruney and shut the door and the Yankees win 7-3. 
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Like I said at the top of my post, tonight was a night for offense, with the Yankees smacking 17 hits.  The big offensive contributers tonight were A-Rod, Johnny Damon, Robbie Cano, Bobby Abreu and Miguel Cairo.  Alex alone created 3 of the team's 7 runs.  With his 9th inning HR, he's now 15 away from #500.  Alex also has 50 RBIs now.  Hot ****.  Even better, 3 of our runs came with 2 outs.  That's something I'd like to see continue.  It was nice to see the offense have a night like this, seeing as they are few and far between right now.  We have the ability to do this every night and I hope that "every night" starts with tomorrow's game.  After seeing how well Cairo fared at 1B tonight, I wouldn't mind seeing him there on a more regular basis.  I only hope this wasn't a fluke because our 1B situation is dire if Johnny Damon is learning to play the position to fill in for Phelps every now and again. 
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Stars of the Game™
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Another Star™ goes out to Miguel Cairo, who contributed both with the glove and the bat to help us win tonight.  :-D

Match-up for Wednesday:

Next Game: Wed., June  6 @  8:11 p.m. ET TV: YES | Radio: WCBS, 92.7 WQBU (Sp.)
Wang 4-4, 4.19		@		Vazquez 3-3, 3.95

Allow me to quote myself from last night's game post:

This game had all the makings of another pathetic Yankees loss. Yankees get lead, pitcher gets injured giving up lead (more on that later), Yankees look lifeless and dead while stranding runners.....

I've bolded the portions of that text that apply most to tonight's game.  Oh what joy it was, as well.  Nothing like seeing the bats sputter and die for 8 innings only to suddenly see a re-emergence when it matters least.  Wouldn't want the Yankees to overexert themselves or anything.  Matt DeSalvo has no business pitching major league baseball games.  None.  Ron Guidry would have done a better job, and probably would have lasted longer.  ****, a random fan in the stands would have done a better job.  Chris Britton was the lone bright spot here, and unfortunately that HR he gave up means we'll never see him again.  Torre won't use him again, however he feels no compunction in overusing pitchers like Vizcaino, Farnsworth and Myers who have the tendency to suck and suck often.  So it goes with Clueless Joe anymore.  Derek Jeter is hurt (I saw him limping) which is just f--king fabulous and per Erin Andrews on NESPN, Joe wants Alex to either sit or DH for a few games because he has a lot on his mind right now and "he doesn't look like he's enjoying baseball."  If Torre actually goes through with this and benches or DH's Alex for the off the field stuff that's been happening.........nevermind.  You know where that's going.  Damon needs to get on the **** DL but he won't and Phelps sucks so bad he's forced Merriam-Webster to change the definition of the word.  Such is the state of the Yankees right now.  Hobbling, limping, sputtering, choking and sucking all the way to mediocrity.  But I will give the Yankees this one thing; they are damned consistent.  If there's anything I love in a baseball team, it's consistency. 
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Alex, you magnificent bastard, you.  THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.  Mo....same goes for you.  THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.  This game had all the makings of another pathetic Yankees loss.  Yankees get lead, pitcher gets injured giving up lead (more on that later), Yankees look lifeless and dead while stranding runners at 3B with no outs. 
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However, this was not to be one of those games.  We tie it.  A-Rod vs. Papelbon.  A-Rod wins.  Huzzah.  Bottom of the 9th.....Mo says "sit the eff down, this is our game."  And it was.  2 out of 3 at Fenway is fantastic, considering how we looked during a portion of this game.  Melky and Bobby had great catches in the outfield and Alex caught a pop-up with a whole crowd of drunken lunatics screaming at him.   Speaking of Alex.....Miller/Morgan beat the A-Rod horse to death tonight and it was really over the top and obnoxious.  3 or 4 straight innings talking about the "ha!" play?  SHUT UP AND CALL THE GAME, YOU OLD COOTS.
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Back to the pitching.  Andy left the game with an apparent injury and I heard that he screamed in pain on the field.  I don't know if it's his elbow or his oblique, but I hope and pray it's not the elbow.  We absolutely cannot afford to have him go on the DL.  We just can't.  That's not hyperbole, either.  It's just not an option.  I hope it's just something minor and he'll be alright to make his next start.  We have been beset by injuries all year and this would be on the level of Alex/Jorge/Mo/Derek getting seriously injured.  If I hear anything about what's going on with him, I'll let everyone know. 
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Edit:  According to Suzyn Waldman, Andy has back spasms, but he says he's fine and won't miss his next start.  He's walking around the clubhouse alright.  Whew.
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The Stars of the Game tonight are really quite simple.  Cano for tying the game, Alex for giving us the lead and Mo for preserving it.  Melky and Bobby do get honorable mentions for their outfield D, as does Jorge for a key run and plate defense earlier in the game. 
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Stars of the Game™
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A two-for-one package deal, if you will.  Robbie for the game-tying hit, Melky for the outstanding catch.
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Would you believe there's no picture of Mo?  Sacrilege.

Match-up for Monday:

Next Game: Mon., June  4 @  7:05 p.m. ET TV: YES, ESPN | Radio: WCBS, 92.7 WQBU (Sp.)
DeSalvo 1-2, 5.40		@		Garland 3-3, 3.91

Clemens looks to make first start Saturday against Pirates
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According to this, Roger's agent says he's looking to make his first start AT HOME against the Pirates on Saturday.  Fantastic news.  I wanted him to get his first start at home and it looks like it's going to happen.  What's even better is that it sounds like this "groin fatigue" (whatever that is....LOL) doesn't look like it's that bad if he's planning on coming back this soon.  Gosh, can you imagine what Yankee Stadium is going to sound like?  This is going to be one of those times when I wish I was there.  I can see how he had this setback; he was pushing himself pretty hard to get ready in time to start by the end of May.  I know a lot of people aren't happy with this move, thinking Cash spent too much money on someone who is only pitching 4 months, and on some level I agree.   But this is Roger Clemens and anything he can give us is appreciated.  Now if only we had a back-up catcher who could hit and a first baseman who could both hit AND field.  Poor Dougie. 

Mientkiewicz suffers concussion
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Just awful.  He's got a concussion, a fractured wrist and a cervical sprain.  He's not the biggest offensive threat on the team, so it's not like Alex or Jorge getting hurt this bad, but Doug is a great defensive guy and now we're not going to have that.  It was nice to see the fans give him a standing O as they took him off the field.....don't know if they would have done that for Alex.  They'd probably have to take those stupid masks off first.  It doesn't say how long he'll be out, but I assume it's for a while.  Gee.....just when you thought nothing else could go wrong for us this year.  Get well soon Dougie.....we're going to miss you.  :-(

1. Mike Lowell is a dirtbag.  Yes that's a strong word to use, but I use it when applicable.  I don't care what stupid rationalizations people want to come up with, but dropping your shoulder into someone's chest and knocking them down is neither appropriate or acceptable and it is not even remotely close to being in the same league as what Alex did to Pedroia.  Alex caught Pedroia in the groin with his forearm popping up out of a slide to break up a double play.  Mike Lowell leveled an illegal body-check on Robbie.  You can't lower your shoulder to hit someone in a **** hockey game, but it's more than acceptable to do it in a baseball game?  That reminded me of what Albert Belle did to Fernando Vina a few years back.  Joe Buck for once said something that wasn't stupid.  He said that if Alex did what Mike Lowell did, there would have been a riot in the stands.  As the icing on this s--t cake, FOX names him the Player of the Game.  FOR WHAT?!  If yelling "HA!" at someone as you run by full-speed is dirty, illegal and breaking an "unwritten" rule.......then what in the **** do you call this?  Good sportsmanship?  Give me a break.
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2.  Torre needs to be fired.  I'll give you two words to back that up:  Bullpen mismanagement.  Proctor was left in the game to walk the **** ballpark, but Bruney gets an out and gives up a single, and Torre pulls him.  WHY GOD WHY IS THIS MAN STILL IN CHARGE OF THIS TEAM?  It's like he has no clue what he's doing anymore.  Where was Britton?  Why wasn't he pitching instead of Proctor?  You'd think that in light of the festivities from last night, giving Proctor a day off to let cooler heads prevail would be a smart idea, but when the **** has Joe Torre had a smart idea this season?  I can't remember the last bullpen decision that he made that actually made sense.  That's how long it's been since his last actual good idea.  This one is going in with the other 4 Torre losses this season.  Girardi for Manager '08.  And if he doesn't accept it, make a stuffed monkey manage instead.  Anything but another year of Clueless Joe.  ANYTHING.
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3.  Our defense is f--king abysmal.  Bobby Abreu must think all outfield walls have poison darts sticking out of them, because he won't get near one to catch a ball to save his own ass.  You're an outfielder, Bobbo.  RUN TOWARD THE WALL TO CATCH THE BALL IF YOU HAVE TO!  On top of that great display of athleticism, you have Derek Jeter botching routine DP balls.  Look Derek, your job is rather simple.  They hit the ball to you, you field it, throw it to Robbie....DP.  Where in that sequence are you getting lost?  The fielding part?  Perhaps you need to start watching some of Tom Emanski's videos.  Piss-poor defense is killing us this year and I'm getting sick of it. 
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4.  Moose......you cranky SOB.  STOP COUGHING UP THE LEADS WE GIVE YOU!!  How many times has this happened this season?  Too many.  A 1-0 lead wasn't going to last, but we had them 5-3.  We had this.  And he blew it.  Every little thing knocks this guy off his rhythm and then he implodes.  Enough.  If we don't hand him a 10-run lead, we're in danger of losing the game.  Granted the same could be said for any number of pitchers in our bullpen, but he's the frickin' starter.  We expect more out of him than what he's been giving us. 
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5. Rocket's start will be delayed a couple weeks because of a sore groin.  ****.  I was looking forward to watching him pitch, but the fresher he is in the event we actually make the playoffs, the better.  I guess.  This was just one more thing going wrong in this catastrophe of a season.  Hughes gets delayed, Rocket gets delayed.....what next?  Mo needs TJ surgery?  Wait.  I shouldn't say that.  It'll probably happen now.

Match-up for Sunday:

Next Game: Sun., June  3 @  8:05 p.m. ET TV: ESPN | Radio: WCBS, 92.7 WQBU (Sp.)
Pettitte 3-4, 2.51		@		Beckett 8-0, 2.65

I want Blister Boy getting his first loss of the year tomorrow.  Make.  It.  Happen.

I'm going to start this game post out with the following sentence: I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYONE BITCHING ABOUT PROCTOR THROWING AT YOUKILIS.  That goes for Sox fans and Yankees fans or fans of any other team in general.  You want to discuss it, fine.  It's about time someone on this **** team showed some balls, and if it's Scott Proctor, well then it's Scott Proctor.  I'm sick of our players getting hit and the opposing teams' pitchers not getting ejected or warned but when we retaliate....our guys get thrown out.  F--k it, you need to deal with it.  If the Yankees are going to be hated and despised everywhere they go, they might as well start playing the part.  BTW, I think it's funny that when our guys are hit, for the most part, they drop the bat and go to 1B.  When a Sox player gets hit by a Yankee, they have to charge the mound. 
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Moving on, that was a great win.  I really enjoyed watching all the toolbag Sox fans in the seats wearing blonde chick masks.  Mature.  I guess all those guys wanted to live out their darkest, deepest fantasies of being a woman.  And from watching the game, it didn't really have the desired affect.  It was nice to see the guys gang up on Tim Wakefield early.....he was really wild tonight, much like he was during his last start against us at the Stadium.  He had 6 walks, he hit a guy and had a wild pitch.  It was nice to see the offense carry over from Wednesday night and continue tonight.  I had a small fear the off-day would make us come out stale.  Wang didn't pitch sparkling tonight, only going 5.2 IP and giving up 3R on 10H.  Thankfully our bullpen only gave up 2 more runs in the next 3.1.  Speaking of pitching, tonight's bullpen management should have been a big tip-off that Mattingly as Torre's replacement is NOT a good idea.  We burned through the pen with a 6 run lead.  Where was Britton?  Why have him on the team if tonight wasn't a good time to use him?  Mattingly is basically Torre-lite and as much as I love him, when it's Torre's time to go.....I want Girardi managing this team.  It probably won't happen, but a girl can dream.
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On the offense side, Jorge and Robbie were our big RBI-guys tonight, with Jorge giving us a three-run double in the forth and Robbie giving us a two-run HR to start the game off on a good note.  Everybody but Johnny and Phelps/Alphabits got a hit tonight, and it looks like the June version of Bobby Abreu is much better than the May version.  He went 2-4 with two doubles and he scored twice.  It looks like benching him for a few games sent the right message.  Overall this was a great win, it set a great tone (I hope) for the rest of this series and it gave us a 2-game winning streak!  How about that!
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Stars of the Game™
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Match-up for Saturday:

Next Game: Sat., June  2 @  3:55 p.m. ET TV: FOX | Radio: WCBS, 92.7 WQBU (Sp.)
Mussina 2-3, 5.86		@		Schilling 5-2, 3.68

Time to beat up on the Crisco Kid.